Newhaven

Newhaven... place of beauty...

Quit and Burn

Today I quit my job. There isn't really too much to say about it, except for the enormous feeling of liberation i'm experiencing.

It was a silly idea really because I still need money, but I just could not bring myself to get on that bus AGAIN and sit in that stinking office (orifice) AGAIN and spend MORE hours from my life talking to wankers about bull-shit that neither I or they give a fuck about. God, I just want some WORTH back in my life, that surely isn't too much to ask is it?! I decided, maybe just to justify my extremely rash actions, that working at that place is the last bit left of the disaster my life became over the last year.

That was all actually written last week, but I've been so damn busy having a nice time and spending money i dont have on things i don't need, i haven't had time to finish it off. I also mad a cake for the first time for years. It was a bit of a disaster to be honest. I didn't have a whisk and thought I could use a food blender thing, but it all just jammed up in the blade and flour flew out of the bowl all over the place. So i did it with a spoon. It was lumpy. AND I didn't have proper cake tins, they were too shallow, so as the sponge rose it kind of flopped out and made a cake 'brim'. It was all a bit crooked and I couldn't afford icing sugar so it was very plain, just THIN SCRAGGY SPONGE LAYER-CHEAP SUGAR BASED JAM LAYER-THIN BURNT SCRAGGY SPONE LAYER- oh yeah, because on of the sponges got burnt as well. There's a picture- As you can tell I am very proud of my efforts!

I started a new job today at a retreat on the South Downs. What an experience! Get up at 6, there for 7, make mega health orientated breakfast for 20 people padding around in socks, clean up their mess, clean their loo's, put out their fart vegetarian lunch. It's all very nice though really. There are some people there at the moment who are all emotonal wrecks and have come away to build some survival life coursey type skills. I found it bit harsh as there were a lot of people sitting around crying. I got told not to interact with thm as it might make it worse- fair enough I suppose...

Any way, I'm much happier now. Well, except for it being Saturday night and having to go to bed early seeing as I have to be there at 7am again tomorrow.. social life? hello? Nevermind...

POVA=OVER

I would just to make it known how fucking relieved I am. I got a letter this morning from the Department of Health, Secretary of state to be precise, informing me that i would NOT be included on the (abusers) PoVA and PoCA list. I've spent almost a year tryin to justify my integrity as a worthwhile person, and finally its over..., so I guess I must be a worth while person! Yay for me.

I went for a walk on the beach with my friends to celebrate. It was all peaceful and various "nature" was abundant. For the first time in a long while I felt as if i could exhale and allow myself to be happy.

I should be going back to uni very soon and have already arranged to see my tutor tomorrow to arrange it- things seem to be moving a million miles an hour right now but it's brilliant, it's all i've wanted.

I had so many lovely supportive texts from everyone who i told the good news to and my friends met me for drinks to celebrate. It made me realise how many people really care and that felt really special.

POVA=OVER. FINALLY.

I have framed the letter already, just so if I ever think i'm having a hard time I can look at it and remember that if I managed to get through this bullshit, I can get through most other things!!

Please refrain from smoking, smelly foods, alcohol and opinions on parenting techniques

On the bus this morning i witnessed an amusing scenario. When I got on there were 2 middle-aged people eating ham sandwiches. I didn't think much of it, as I witness freaks and hobo's on the bus everyday. The only thing that made an impression was how very dull their conversation was:

-Do you want a mint?
-Ooo Yes
-I've got another packet at home for when these run out... I forgot to bring them out though
-Oh

About 10 minutes into the gruelling journey to Brighton (It takes 45 Minutes on a 'good' day, whatever that means. Yesterday I was sat on a bus and a lady came and squashed in next to me. She asked how long it took to get to Brighton and not being particularly joyous about heading to my shit job, I replied "FOREVER" She looked a bit taken a-back, but obviously i didn't put her off enough as she insisted on sitting very close to me the whole way even when several seats in front became vacant.

As I was saying, 10 minutes into the journey a large, 'large' family got on- Grandma, Young Mum, child 1 and a child 2- a very excited small girl . They sat on the seats behind the Sandwich Couple at the front. The little girl was noisy, but it was understandable as I over-heard that she'd never been on the top deck of a bus before- Prick up those ears Goulden!

She was saying Hello to everything HELLO BIRD HELLO BUS HELLO SUN HELLO ROAD HELL CARS HELLO MUM HELLO BOAT HELLO SEA HELLO... over and over. Her mum asked "are you going to carry on like that all the way to Brighton?", and so it started, as the man in front piped up "I BLOODY WELL HOPE NOT" His wife Sshh'ed him and gave him an embarrassed nudge.

As the journey went on, the child did continue to 'carry on like that', speaking quite loudly and letting out the occasional especially loud shriek when something particularly exciting caught her eye from the bus window. One of these 'shrieks' caused the man in front to shoot forward suddenly holding his ears in pain, as she was sat right behind his ears. After sitting back up and shaking his head he announced proudly:

- That child should have a muffler fitted.

With a disapproving sneer,the young mother replied:

-Ever tried to fit muffler to a 2 year old?

As if it was written into his destiny to make this situation worse for his-self, he continued by suggesting that a bandage wrapped around the child's head could prove quite effective. I genuinely believe he was trying to make light of the situation, but it only led to his hole dug deeper as the Grandmother exclaimed:

- Well, I've never heard anything So AWFUL. Some people forget very quickly what it's like to have children.

The Sandwich Lady of the couple took this as her cue to turn in her seat to face the family and shout:

- Well, we taught our children to speak respectfully... and at a sensible volume.

Grandmother and Young mother at once:

-What, a 2 year old?!?

Sandwich couple lady:

-Welll, you have to teach them at a young age you know...

The grandmother sort of shot up like a meercat- totally alarmed and disgusted at this intrusion into her family life and exclaimed forcefully:

- I THINK THIS IS NEITHER THE TIME OORRRR THE PLACE FOR A PARENTING LESSON, DO YOU?

Well, that shut them up. Not the child however, who continued to chirrup with glee just as loudly as before- oblivious to the tension her innocence had created.

I noticed the couple had linked hands, which I thought was quite sweet- united by bus grief.

I thought I was going to be late to start my shift at work due to traffic and many fancy dress adorned passengers twatting around on their way to Brighton Festival Children's Parade.

My work place has this anal rule- If you are more than 5 minutes late for your shift you have to go home and aren't "allowed" to work, fuck knows why. I was kind of hoping this would happen today as I could have done with a day of sunny carnival frolics, plus it would have provided a semi-genuine excuse which would ease Sciever's Guilt.

Unfortunately I arrived at the office with a WHOLE MINUTE to spare, so I'm currently sitting at my desk listening to the tribal drums of the parade RIGHT outside the office window. It's making it quite hard to hear the morons on the phone, but quite jolly at the same time....